Trust and all will come.
See it before yourself and know it has come.
The prying and stirring has subsided, so was the writer's block I thought I had. But the feeling of writer's block hasn’t gone away, I’ve just had some time now to reinterpret it.
It takes some time for me to find my groove. Probably 65% of the first fifteen minutes of writing consists of me staring at a blinking cursor, index fingers mounted on the nubs of the F and J keys. I’d say another solid 15% is riding the backspace key. So basically that leaves me with a solid 20% of creating words that stick.
Thirty steps forward, twenty four back, and a few spins later I’m on the right track.
I want it all NOW! That’s why I can’t pursue it now...I need a solid five or ten years of growing up to have the patience to stick with it...but if I start now in five or ten years at least I’ll have something! This, along with some uninterpretable shrieking and flailing, was pretty much the gist of a conversation I had with my parents last night on an idea I’ve been pursuing on and off since I was 15.
Yesterday I found myself on a scenic detour up in the hills parked on a car-sized pullout overlooking the ocean in the distance. This was the first time I had really been out of the house in a while, excluding grocery and gas runs.
So this is what they mean when they say, “my heart is bursting with joy”.
I literally thought I was going to have a heart-attack. It was like running to the point where the running catches up with you and your heart and lungs suddenly get punched with the weight of the work you’ve been doing.
Except my vital organs were bursting with vitality for the sheer bliss of being alive and seeing aliveness before me.
I always find the disconnect between job titles and job descriptions quite perplexing.
Why do all of these super legit and esteemed jobs actually just suck day to day?
Chief Executive Officer of a large corporation....more like I do emails all day and sit in on calls. Or I constantly bear the weight of this organization on my shoulders.
I don’t know what job title constitutes this, but I want my job description to be professional sun-bather, feel-good-do-gooder, bliss manifester, spontaneous breakdancer, and flame-bearer.
Quarantine, in some aspects, has felt quite self-indulgent.
Like feeling blissful for any prolonged amount of time in itself is too good to be true and the indigestion after the sugar rush is bound to kick in.
I do not believe in this, though.
I believe, and this is not without acknowledging that this statement may just be an embarrassing marker of naiveté, that sustaining wholly blissful lives is entirely within reach.
But it isn’t without sacrifice and intentionality.
My old lifting coach used to say, “Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life”.
What we are privileged to have in life, to varying degrees, is choice. We get to choose what we tolerate, and what we don’t, and as soon as we raise the bar for what our experience of life should be, we don’t see any less. This is not to say that the course of our life suddenly veers to a trajectory without pain or hardship or suffering, but rather we have a say in how we experience these inevitabilities. Our grasp on perception is much more firm than we credit it.